I just passed a phase where i can only wish, imagine, plan and God speaks.
A short term journey that makes me realize something: i still have to do this up until-- nobody knows.
For the last few years, i feel tired of doing what i do. Tired of (to me) an unbalance life. I wish for better life, better work, better health. I imagine i would have them all by changing my path. I made plan to leave and try another field.
The plan has come.
My previous imagination became clearer.
(I think) my wish was coming true.
But i thought it is wiser if i ask HIM first for the best decision.
So i did istikharah.
Not many, just few.
But explains a lot. Gave me a lot.
Until i reached a point where each and every part of my body said no. Said no to my plan, said no to my imagination, said no to my wish.
I can't move, barely breathe, like it took all the energy i had at that time.
I chat, discussed, talked, text-ed, did almost all things to figure out what's going on.
But the answer was getting clearer.
It was a NO.
Oh GOD, i should have realized who i am to you.
A creature that wish too much, where i didn't give as much as it needs.
Oh God... *blank*